TAKE A BREAK (PART II)

LESSON 1

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,

" Listen," said the CEO.

" This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left.

Can you make this thing work?"

" Certainly," said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

" Excellent, excellent! ", said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine.

" I just need one copy. "

LESSON # 1 : NEVER, EVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING

LESSON 2

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA, when the American

turned to the Japanese and asked " What kind of -ese are you ? "

The Japanese, confused, replied : " Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean. "

The American repeated : " What kind of -ese are you ? "

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled : " What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese,

Japanese, Vietnamese !, etc......??? "

The Japanese then replied : " Oh, I am a Japanese. "

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled : " What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?! "

The Japanese said, " Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee ? "

LESSON # 2 : NEVER INSULT ANYONE

LESSON 3

There were these 4 guys --- a Russian, a German, an American and a French,

who together found this small genie bottle.

When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,

he said : " Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.

When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become,

then your wish will come true. "

The French wanted to start.

He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted : " Wine ! "

The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.

The Frenchman was very happy, swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn. He did the same and shouted : " Vodka ! "

and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted : " Beer ! "

He was likewise very contented with his beer-filled pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.

He slipped towards the pool and shouted, " Shit !!!!!!!........."

LESSON # 3 : ALWAYS THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN !

LESSON 4

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

Each organ took a turn to speak up.

Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.

Stomach.... I should be in charge because I process food for the brain.

Legs........ I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.

Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.

All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.

To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief

Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly

Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable

Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred

Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body

Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

LESSON # 4 : NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE THAT IS TRULY IN CHARGE

TAKE A BREAK (PART I)

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk,and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Sh * t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who sh * ts on you is your enemy .

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh * t is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep sh * t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

...

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction...
I never asked for someone who could offer me the stars in the night. Just someone to lay down and watch them with is enough.

100 Hari...

Hari ini genap 100 hari pemergian arwah akak... benarlah kata orang, bila seorang manusia meninggal dunia, tiada apa yang akan berubah pada dunia ini..dunia akan tetap berputar... rutin akan tetap berjalan seperti biasa, tapi kesannya adalah pada orang-orang yang menyayanginya... kehilangannya akan amat dirasai..berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul... hanya masa sahaja yang akan meredakan perasaan itu..

Pertapaanku...

Masih belum punya idea untuk memulakan bicara ke blog ku ini..dah la semak samun di sekelilingnya..sawang labah-labah pun dah makin banyak..ada banyak topik yang ingin diutarakan dan dikongsikan bersama,akan tetapi tidak tahu mana hendak dilmulakan..dan akhirnya, satu apa pun tak da.. erm...tunggu la kejap, aku rasa masi mahu bertapa..hehehee mudah-mudahan ideaku cepat2 datang mencurah2 untuk aku mngatur ayat..(hehe mcm mengatur ayat untuk mengarang surat cinta zaman kanak-kanak dulu..haha macam lah pernah mengarang surat cinta..hahaha )

34 tips motivator oleh dato' dr fadzillah kamsah

TIPS DIPETIK DARI KURSUS IBUBAPA SEBAGAI MOTIVATOR OLEH DATO’ DR FADZILLAH KAMSAH YG DISERTAI OLEH AHLI PERSATUAN KAKITANGAN ISLAM JOHOR PADA 20.02.2010

1) Dirikan solat dan banyakkan berdo’a – Ini adalah salah satu kaedah yang sungguh berkesan. Semasa berdo’a turut katakan “Ya,Allah jadikan hatiku bersih” dan digalakkan doa 12 pintu.

2) Selawat keatas Nabi Muhammad s.a.w paling minima 100 X sebelum tidur setiap hari, Ini merupakan satu pelaburan yang mudah dan murah. Disamping dosa-dosa diampunkan, otak tenang, murah rezeki, orang sayangkan kita dan mencetuskan semua perkara kebaikan.

3) Solat taubat dan solat istikharah bila ada keperluan– Selain daripada memohon keampunan, dapat mencuci hati dan menenangkan minda.

4) Membaca Al-Quran – Selain dapat mencuci hati juga menenangkan jiwa, penyembuh, penenang, terapi. Sekurang-kurangnya bacalah “Qulhu-allah” sebanyak 3X.

5) Bermaaf-maafan sesama kawan dan pasangan setiap hari – Semasa meminta maaf perlu sebutkan. Kita mungkin tidak boleh mohon maaf kepada semua manusia tetapi kita berupaya untuk memaafkan semua orang. Cara ini mengurangkan beban emosi dan kita akan lebih ceria pada setiap hari.

6) Bisikan kepada diri perkara yang positif – Jangan sesekali mengkritik, kutuk diri sendiri, merendah-rendahkan kebolehan diri sendiri. katakan lah “Aku sebenarnya……(perkara yang elok-elok belaka) dan ini boleh boleh dipraktikkan kepada anak-anak.

7) Program minda/cuci minda – Paling baik pada waktu malam sebelum tidur, senyum, pejam mata, katakan di dalam hati “Ya, Allah cuci otak aku, cuci hatiku, esok aku nak jadi baik, berjaya, ceria, bersemangat, aktif, positif”. Menurut kajian saikologi, apa yang disebut sebelum tidur dapat dirakamkan sepanjang tidur sehingga keesokan harinya.

8) Cuba ingat tentang mati (Sekiranya hendak melakukan sesuatu kejahatan, tidak sampai hati kerana bimbang akan mati bila-bila masa).

9) Untuk mencuci hati antara aktiviti terbaik adalah dengan mencuci tandas. Mengikut sesetengah pendapat ianya dapat membasuh kesombongan pada hati.

10) Peluk pasangan setiap hari sekurang-kuranya 3 kali dalam tempoh 10 saat . Jangan lama sangat dikhuatiri kita tidak terpaksa ambil cuti kecemasan (ada faham).

11) Berkata-kata/menasihat anak kita pada waktu yang sesuai di dalam membentuk jiwa dan ruhaninya. Waktu yang digalakkan (teachable moments) adalah seperti berikut:-;
· Sebelum tidur
· Semasa tidur
· Selepas tidur
· Selepas riadah
· Selepas solat
· Selepas mandi air suam

12) Memberi arahan yang jelas kepada anak-anak seperti “ Nak, solat jangan ditinggalkan ” dan bukannya “ Nak, jadilah anak yang cemerlang ” (umum).

13) Ibu bapa kena imbangkan emosi keluarga, sekiranya bapa memarahi anak, si ibu perlu memujuk anak dan beri rasional kenapa ayah marah.

14) Jangan galakkan anak menjadi artis/penyanyi walaupun berbakat (tidak dijelaskan kenapa rasanya kita dah faham).

15) Elakkan dan jangan sekali-kali menyebut perkataan yang negatif kepada anak kerana doa ibu bapa adalah makbul.

16) Jangan risau anak tidak mendengar kata kita, tapi risaulah kerana anak-anak melihat perbuatan kita dan mencontohinya.

17) Setiap kali balik ke rumah ucapkan Basmallah 3x dan beri salam serta senyum. Pastikan suami dalam keadaan positif semasa pulang ke rumah walaupun penat bekerja. Kaum Bapa bantulah isteri membuat kerja-kerja rumah.

18) Makan dan minumlah serta buatlah sesuatu dengan tangan kanan kerana ada 18 enzim yang baik ada pada tangan kanan manakala pada tangan kiri ada 81 enzim yang menjadi anti bakteria dan sesuai untuk aktiviti mencuci qubul dan dubur. (sesungguhnya syaitan makan dengan tangan kiri)

19) Amalkan membuang hadas besar dengan menyengetkan badan ke arah kiri dan memegang kepala dengan tangan kanan. Ini akan memudahkan lawas serta mengelakkan penyakit buasir.

20) Makan buah dahulu sebelum makan nasi supaya semua vitamin dalam buah tidak hilang.

21) Untuk lelaki jangan amalkan kencing berdiri (sesungguhnya syaitan itu kencing berdiri) kerana banyak keburukan seperti mendatangkan penyakit seperti ED dan sbgnya.

22) Hormatinya buku sebagai guru/ilmu jangan dicampak-campak atau tidak dijaga. Apatah lagi sekiranya kitab-kitab ilmu.

23) Amalkan bismillah lima banyak khasiatnya (lanjutan kena berguru dengan Hj Afandi).

24) Tarikh lahir boleh mencerminkan peribadi walaupun bukan 100% tepat. Anak-anak yang lahir pada 18 hb hingga 23 hb pada kebiasaanya lebih berupaya menjadi cemerlang atau boleh upaya juga menjadi sebaliknya terpulang kepada didikannya.

25) Anak kedua lebih berdikari dan biasanya agak tersisih dalam hiraki keluarga.

26) Amalkan tidur mengiring ke kanan.

27) Menyebutkan Hadis Qudsi “ Allah bertindak sepertimana yang difikirkan oleh hambanya”. Jadi kena sentiasa positif.

28) Ransang anak-anak dengan kata-kata positif sejak dalam kandungan lagi.

29) Ransang anak-anak semasa mereka bayi dan seterusnya sehingga dewasa. Apabila dewasa beri kebebasan kepada anak untuk memberi pendapat dan membuat pilihan.

30) Doa mempunyai kuasa yang hebat. “Doa itu senjata bagi orang mukmin”.

31) Ibubapa kena berubah terlebih dahulu baru boleh meransang perubahan pada keluarga.

32) Jangan mendera anak-anak, kerana anak-anak yang didera berkemungkinan besar akan mendera anaknya iaitu cucu kita.

33) Didik anak mengikut personaliti masing-masing, tidak boleh samakan semua cara kepada semua anak.

34) Orang yang berjaya apabila hari ini lebih baik dari semalam, orang yang rugi apabila hari ini sama dengan semalam dan orang yang celaka apabila hari ini lebih teruk dari semalam (hadis Nabi)

SEMAK SAMUN...

Blogku dipenuhi lalang dan semak samun.... lamanya tidak mengupdate entry..huhuu..adakah kerana ketandusan idea, atau semangat yang kian kendur?? Ataukah kerana tidak tahu mana hendak dimulakan lagi...oh apa sudah jadi padaku???

THAT SMILE

“By now you’ve perfected that smile, for it hides your insecurities. It hides your anger and your sorrow, your sadness and envy. A smile hides those tears you cried last night and that broken heart that refuses to heal. It hides your flaws and regrets. It hides your pain and your fears. A smile hides who you really are.”